Why

I need to come back and finish this. Things got to hectic today. 

When I am asked the reason why I am adopting through the state I seem to hesitate and freeze. I don't know why because this is something that has always been in the back of my mind. Every year I watch Dave Thomas Foundations tv special called "A Home For The Holidays." I never realized how that would play a role into my decision or how helpful it would truly be. I can recall a time in Biology class when a girl talked about how many foster homes she had been in and how some are in it for the money. I didn't really understand or know what a foster home was. She said she had moved so many times but this placement was good because her foster mom actually cared for her, fed her, make sure she had clean clothes, and so on. I don't remember ever seeing anyone go through the adoption process either through foster care or otherwise. So when things weren't working with numerous doctors and procedures we took a break.. Some people will tell you "why don't you just adopt." Like a store exists Adoption r us where you go pick a child out and immediately bring him/her home. I remember not knowing or being well educated. Where do I begin? What if..... All kinds of things came to mind then I researched The Dave Thomas Foundation and talked it over with my husband. We said we are going to go until we can't go anymore. When you have been through so much to have a child you reach a point and say "what do I have to loose?" We aren't done and at  times feel so far away from being approved. I heard from a social worker last night "we want you to succeed and be approved...." My stomach pains have gone away and my anxiety has been lifted for the moment. This is intense and I wonder how many "parents" would be able to complete this process.