Miscarriage my fear

Ok so i'm posting a lot i'm sorry......


I get from time to time people who say "don't you want your own kids..." when I say i'm adopting. I channel the person who gave me a key piece of advice. That people will say things and rather then get mad at them it's a time to "educate" them. If I adopt a child then it will be my child. It is my own child whether you see it or not. I heard stories recently of people who were pregnant but miscarried the child. The devastation and  heartbreak tore me apart. Unfortunately i've never been pregnant and never suffered a miscarriage but the devastation of not being able to get pregnant has haunted me enough that I'm afraid terrified of a miscarriage. A reproductive endocrinologist explained to me that it's natures way of ending a pregnancy that isn't right. Of course he's a male has no uterus and read that explanation out of a text book and while I get that it doesn't make it any less painful. Adoption is a bright light to a tunnel that has been filled with such darkness. I do not have to dope myself up on hormones that in the long run may cause me to battle a disease. It's a small world when you come across someone who had the same doctor as you and now she's having a double mastectomy and fighting for her life because of the hormones she was on to have her daughter. I want to be there for my child. I saw a celebrity recently who discovered she had breast cancer. She didn't go to much into it but she had been on so many hormones. So on the side of being afraid of cancer and miscarriages.

I would love to have experienced pregnancy once in my life. If that isn't the way it works then I have to believe that it wasn't meant to be that way. Adoption means that a child who is already  born doesn't have a forever family and we want a forever family hello.