When people discuss their path about adoption or discuss their children I sit back and think "I can't wait for my story. To sit on the other side and beam with delight as I tell the story of meeting my child..." Tonight I found myself on the inside filled with bitterness, a lot of tongue :-P (turn head side ways to see tongue sticking out), bite me, and just yeah cynical. Followed by wanting to cry because I'm just full of emotion. It's a process, and with that process sometimes I process different emotions at the same time. I felt immediate guilt for feeling any negativity as anyone spoke of their children in the beginning, but hey I'm sure if these people encountered obstacles like me they probably had these emotions to. It's okay let it be and move along.
With that I found the rest of the night helpful and immediately listened to tips and tricks to deal with "obstacles" placed before them with their children. From things people say to how to handle what your child will say. Of course I have some anxiety over "birth" parents that I didn't realize until it was pointed out in the workshop. Now I want to cry because my child will want to look for their birth parents and I will have to step back and what if they hurt my child or reject my child. What if they bond and I'm left by the curb because I'm no longer needed. Hey I don't have a child and now we are just jumping the gun their aren't we? If this happens we will cross that bridge when we come to it. I will have many therapists on call and numbers to access so that I can take my issues to them and be a supportive parent and accept that if they feel that need to look them up I'm here for them. I'll be crying in my therapists seat worried on so many levels go over my issues.
OF course to get a child one will have to get approved and over the mountain of paperwork...... So back to reality. Now I want to cry because this paperwork bs still isn't over! Gah gah goo!!!!!!!! Great I'm making baby sounds.
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