Two sad stories

Mother who adopted three children jailed for five years for child cruelty

Feds__S_J__couple_charged_with_unimaginable_child_cruelty
More details on New Jersey Couple

Two stories I heard today and I'm at a loss for words after hearing. These children deserve the best, and it's sad that they would have to endure anything. Innocent until proven guilty yes. All that my husband and I have to endure through the adoption process, and I see others abusing a privilege we are fighting for. It's sad. These children deserve so much more.

No matter how much you do your job or follow the rules people slip through the cracks. 

Roseanne skit with Jackie telling her Aunt that her father is dead.

Roseanne skit with Jackie calling her aunt to tell her that her dad is dead. You know we all have those people that we talk to, and they don't seem to get it or understand when we talk to them. I think of this skit always!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPFyHMC8xbI
skit

Especially lately.

Not right....

I submitted two requests for my medical records because it was two different facilities and two different times. I have the fax copy to prove that. I decide that since I only got one set of papers I will call the facility that has the actual records. Guess what? They have no other pending request in their system. I asked a second time to make sure I heard her right. Frustration! Unfortunately the hospital wasn't open. I don't know if their is a different procedure or if it's still pending somewhere in the hospital. I can't express how frustrated I am.  I left a message and will call tomorrow. In hopes that I can get to the bottom of this madness. I really hope they didn't see two authorization forms and toss the second one when it clearly indicated it was two separate requests.

1 of 2 requests yeah!

Okay so I am the one who got the mail for home yesterday. I thought I looked at it saw a cellphone bill and went arg and tossed it aside. My husband comes home and asks. "did you look at the mail?" I replied "i thought so why?" He gives me a huge envelope that has "medical records." It's only one of the two requests I made but it's something. I didn't see a phone number that I could call from work but I did submit an email asking if they also handle the records for the other facility. I'm waiting to hear back from them. They did include a separate page that clearly states "if you requested additional records which are not included those were forwarded to the appropriate place and you should be receiving them shortly." Still it never hurts to ask to get clarification. In my case I feel like every person I speak to says something different. 

On a side note I did notice a blog I had been following who recently adopted a baby in December and he's having his baptism. That's so wonderful and great to read that everything is going so great for them. When I read others struggles and see that their stories had a happy ending. I sigh with happiness and hope. 

Hears hoping and wishing and praying and thinking and keeping the faith. :)

If I'm not over by the time I get to Georgia

That's a line to a country song. The point? Georgia is where the medical records building is that holds at the moment all the cards. Ugggg....... So even though we are states apart it's anyone's guess when I am getting these darn things. They say the request was approved and scanned to the facility last thursday/friday. Yeah umm two days to scan it? If you are able to scan the request why can't they scan them back? Snail mail is so slow! 

I'm thinking next week maybe?

In My Arms (lyrics and video) Not sure if I posted this before

Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curly cues
Your contagious smile
And as i watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight

Knowing clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Story books are full of fairy tales
Of kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You'll someday see the truth from lies

Knowing clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Because I will always
Always love you

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Gotcha Day / Adoption Anniversary Discuss

So I have been non stop researching adoption anniversary or gotcha day. Which is the day you "got" your child in your home. Some decide it's the day the adoption was finalized. It can be a celebration with just the child and immediate family or something a little bigger. It's all up to you. Some decide not to celebrate it. Whichever it's anyone's choice. I am leaning towards celebrating it even if it's just me and my husband and the child/children with a few other family members or friends. Maybe. It's unwritten at this point and our decision. I am amazed why so many "hate" dislike gotcha day. To each his own.

It was part of the workshop that said birthdays maybe hard and to consider gotcha day. For some children the only day they were with their birth parents was the day they were born. Some were immediately placed into foster care. When you start to see that that day for some is more of a mourning and more of the day my birth parents gave me up rather than the day they entered the world. Gotcha day is the day that you share with that child the day no one can take from you. The day you say you were always in my heart, and today is our day that we will celebrate every year. One woman in my support group adopted a daughter from China. It was suggested to get 18 items and every year on that gotcha day give her one of those items. What do I get a child from the US or New Jersey? I think I am leaning towards making a "gotcha day" book every year do a "page" about what's happened from that year. Jewelry is an idea. IF it's a girl a charm bracelet and every year add a charm so that it's something to keep forever. I don't know I have time since we are trapped in this application process.

Please say a prayer that my records finally come in. 

Gotcha Day - Say What?

What is Gotcha Day? What does it mean?  I will post later about this but I have a folder on Pinterest about ideas for Gotcha Day. :) 

Gotcha_Day Means

Simply said quote

I am wherever there is love.

One Step Up - Bruce

Lyrics To One Step Up

Dear Future Child This Ones for you ---> You Are Loved - Heather Williams Lyric Video and Lyrics Attached

This one is so great for our future child. (((hoping that things work out and keeping the faith they do while trying to remain realistic)))

You Are Loved! 

YOU ARE LOVED Lyrics
Heather Williams
Are you afraid
Do you feel lost inside yourself
Like you’re falling
And you’re wanting to break free
Are you alone
Feeling forgotten by this world
Do you stand lonely
Still hoping that someone will see
But you don’t have to be afraid
You don’t have to be ashamed
‘Cuz you are
You are
You are loved
More than the stars shine at night
More than the sun could shine light
I want you to know that you are loved
More than words could ever say
More than the sky could display
I want you to know that you are
You are loved
Have you been hurting
With an aching deep inside
So broken, not knowing how to break free
Have you been searching
With a longing deep inside
But you don’t know where to go
Your heart cannot see
Please don’t be afraid
Please don’t be ashamed
‘Cuz you are
You are
You are loved
More than the stars shine at night
More than the sun could shine light
I want you to know that you are loved
More than words could ever say
More than the sky could display
I want you to know that you are
You are loved
Safe
Adored by the One who made
This heart that beats inside
The One that gives us life
Loves us
More than the stars shine at night
More than the sun could shine light
I want you to know that you are loved
More than words could ever say
More than the sky could display
I want you to know that you are
You are loved
You are loved
Are loved 

 

Life Ain't Always Beautiful (Lyric Video) Video and Lyrics

Gary Allen (Alan?) Well you get the drift. It's an honest song.
Okay so much for the lyrics..... Let's try this again.....

 Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggles makes you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' it sweet time

[chorus]
No,life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life don't work that way


But the struggles makes me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' its sweet time

No, life ain't always beautiful
But I know I'll be fine
Hey, life ain't always beautiful
But its a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride

What's a song that helps me get through the hard times of this process?

Eye of The Tiger!!!!

Dahhhh doo dah dah

I see some of the words aren't spelled correctly....ahh you get the drift.

Your Gonna Be Video and Lyrics

6lbs and 9oz. lookin' up at me
Like I have all the answers
I hope I have the ones you need
I've never really done this, now I know what scared is

Sometimes I'll protect you from everything that's wrong
Other times I'll let you just find out on your own
But that's when you'll be growin',
And the whole time I'll be knowin

CHORUS:
You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry, but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair, but if you hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be

I'm afraid you'll have to suffer through
some of my mistakes
Lord knows I'll be trying to give you what it takes
What it takes to know the difference
Between getting by and livin'

‘Cause anything worth doing is worth doing all the way
Just know you'll have to live with all
the choices that you make
So make sure you're always givin' way
more than you're takin'

REPEAT CHORUS

Someone's everything
You're gonna see
Just what you are to me

You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be
Always loved by me

Piece of Chocolate

Just needed something sweet before bed. I don't have that every night but needed it tonight. Not in bed yet but already feeling like tomorrow is going to be a long day exhausting day. I feel like it's the same go to sleep / wake up exhausted / rush out the door / come across issues at work / somehow get through the day / go home deep breathe / go to bed. Start all over again.

I know I always have an ambitious list of things to do that don't all get done. After all it's ambitious lol.

I had something started about somethings I've heard over the past couple of weeks. People having matches that fail and not being picked by birth parents. It's sad and very discouraging by yet it seems like most can pick the pieces up and keep going. I won't have the being picked by birth parents. By the time the children will get to us the birth parents won't have a say. Of course one has to get through the paperwork and mountains that are in front of us. Ahh yes medical records. Did I dream the conversation where it seemed like everything was find, and it was just days away from getting the forms? I hope that wasn't a dream. I had talked myself out of believing that the homestudy process would start up again. Even stopped making the effort to put stuff out of reach. Cause I really doubt it's going to be that easy.

I dunno.

I'm exhausted and my brain/body need to rest up.

Did you know it's administrative day tomorrow? Yeah well that means our bosses are buying us lunch no crap brain breakfast! They are buying us breakfast and coffee. MMMMMMMMM I love coffee.

When do you think I will actually get the forms?
When all is said and done and the agency has their evaluation what will be there next road block? Survey says!!!!! 

Update on Status of Records

Until I actually get these records in my hand I won't believe it. I called to check the status of my record request which was processed in their computer 4/15/13 and they indicate I should be receiving them in a few days. I happened to have off next Thursday because of dentist drama. I don't think they can actually mail them to me because of the fee associated with the forms. Unless they send me an invoice. I have a hard time believing the forms are this easy to get. 

Question: If I got all the forms in a matter of a two weeks. Why did it take my caseworker 4 months?

Random Fact of the Night

I am just not into Birthdays or anniversaries. Maybe because I thought things would be different by this time with the process of adopting. Maybe I'm just to hormonal at the moment. Maybe I'm being dumped on in other areas of my life that I'm just not in the mood. Who knows. Sorry it's not meant to annoy anyone just not feeling it. Usually I'm all about wishing everyone happy birthdays and celebrating but not this year. I'd like to postpone birthdays until further notice.

Keep Your Head Up (Lyrics & Video)

I've been waiting on the sunset
Bills on my mindset
I can't deny they're getting high
Higher than my income
Incomes bread crumbs
I've been trying to survive

The glow that the sun gets
Right around sunset
Helps me realize
This is just a journey
Drop your worries
You are gonna turn out fine.
Oh, you turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you turn out fine.

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
You gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

I know it's hard, know it's hard,
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

I've got my hands in my pockets,
Kicking these rocks.
It's kinda hard to watch this life go by.
I'm buying into skeptics,
Skeptics mess with, the confidence in my eyes

I'm seeing all the angles, starts to get tangled
I start to compromise
My life and the purpose.
Is it all worth it?
Am I gonna turn out fine?
Oh, you'll turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine.

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
You gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

I know it's hard, know it's hard,
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

Only rainbows after rain
The sun will always come again.
It's a circle, circling,
Around again, it comes around again.
I said,

Only rainbows after rain
The sun will always come again.
It's a circle, circling,
Around again, it comes around,

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
You gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

I know it's hard, know it's hard
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

Keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
Keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
Keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down.
I said oooh

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

20 things listed
This was our workshop last night based on this book. 
Something to read with the book
 Interesting Website
Suggested books to read for adults and children about adoption
Foster/Adoptive Reading List
Will Update If I find any other websites.

Book To Get "You're not my real mother"

You're Not My Real Mother


Book that was brought up in group and recommended highly.

Hi I'm Hormonal Please Ignore The crying cynical outbursts I present.....

When people discuss their path about adoption or discuss their children I sit back and think "I can't wait for my story. To sit on the other side and beam with delight as I tell the story of meeting my child..." Tonight I found myself on the inside filled with bitterness, a lot of tongue :-P (turn head side ways to see tongue sticking out), bite me, and just yeah cynical. Followed by wanting to cry because I'm just full of emotion. It's a process, and with that process sometimes I process different emotions at the same time. I felt immediate guilt for feeling any negativity as anyone spoke of their children in the beginning, but hey I'm sure if these people encountered obstacles like me they probably had these emotions to. It's okay let it be and move along.


With that I found the rest of the night helpful and immediately listened to tips and tricks to deal with "obstacles" placed before them with their children. From things people say to how to handle what your child will say. Of course I have some anxiety over "birth" parents that I didn't realize until it was pointed out in the workshop. Now I want to cry because my child will want to look for their birth parents and I will have to step back and what if they hurt my child or reject my child. What if they bond and I'm left by the curb because I'm no longer needed. Hey I don't have a child and now we are just jumping the gun their aren't we? If this happens we will cross that bridge when we come to it. I will have many therapists on call and numbers to access so that I can take my issues to them and be a supportive parent and accept that if they feel that need to look them up I'm here for them. I'll be crying in my therapists seat worried on so many levels go over my issues.

OF course to get a child one will have to get approved and over the mountain of paperwork...... So back to reality. Now I want to cry because this paperwork bs still isn't over! Gah gah goo!!!!!!!! Great I'm making baby sounds.

I Need To Finish This (edit me) <== Note to myself

It is beginning to feel more and more like everyone else in the universe is with child. At every turn someone is announcing they are expecting or just having a child. If only it was something in the water or sitting in a green chair. Today after the swirl of announcements I find myself not feeling sad or blue just indifferent. If that even best describes how I am feeling. As I sit here “hold on” by Michael Bubble plays…. “baby not all the plans we made may not work out but I have no doubt even though it’s hard to see I’ve got faith in us and I believe in you and me…” I find that even my ipod which is set to random is trying to inspire me with it’s choice in songs. Thank you ipod I © you. I have on one of my ipods

Random Fact: I had a dream I bought cheesy garlic croutons. The next day I’m making a salad and go in the pantry frustrated I can’t find the croutons. I realize I DREAMED about the croutons and didn’t actually get them. Who does that?

Seriously? We want him to look at the forms we have but will not give him the forms........

I get to work only to discover my cellphone is missing. I forgot to put it in my purse. Silly me. I call my husband who is like superman and gets it here in lightning speed with the dog in the passenger seat. I see that it’s flashing “voicemail” I cringe because this can’t be good. I call the voicemail and guess who? It’s the agency to telling me to call them back and sorry she missed me before work. I call her back thinking oh this should be fun….. The agency representative that I’ve been dealing with for months answers asking me how I am and jumps right into it before I have a chance to mumble good fine indifferent hanging in there. So they had a conference about my case yesterday. Woo who just what you want to hear. I imagine a ton of people in a conference room judging me so on and so forth with a picture on a monitor reading stuff from my “file.” They will not be forwarding the documents and reports to my psychologist who did the evaluation because they are third parties and aren’t able to give my personal information out. I have to get the dr to request the forms that the agency wants him to read in the first place from the facilities directly. By the way they are sending out my withdrawal letter today as they tell me everyday for the past few weeks. I said yes ok the entire time. She said don’t get discouraged. I might have laughed because I feel this is so backwards. My feelings that I’m entitled to have. I’m upset and disappointed that I stayed on top of this for them to turn around in the 11^th hour and give me hurdle after hurdle and hi the agency is the ones holding us up. I don’t believe they will be satisfied when they get the evaluation nothing has satisfied them thus far. Their interest is in the protection of the children. I have to often wondered if it’s more about covering their legal bum. You have to sit back and wonder when will it be enough? When will they be able to check of their boxes and proceed? I again have to leave it to faith and trust the process. As she ends the call she says “stay in touch…” Ummm okay yeah.

Can I also point out that we’ve been going through this so much that some of the forms they requested have expired so I am aware and have the copies but I’m wondering ummm have you really “looked” in my file if you haven’t figured it out yet? I feel like If I wasn't on top of everything as I am this could have gone another way. Who will ever know. I want to record what they say and play it back to them to see if they hear themselves sometimes when they speak.

Just keep pushing on........ 

One other thing.....

I get the feeling they think I was hiding Princeton from them. I didn't explain anything I just stayed on top of things and made sure to give her the phone number. Within a few hours she's calling me saying I have to sign a release. I feel like Rain man with these releases. I'm to fax it back to her. Which is very funny considering a few weeks ago she wanted to come by and have me sign them. Faxing works faster and may speed things up. I do see something wrong with their dates of when I was there, but I'm just going to see how this plays out. Then she asks "did you go anywhere else? Is there anywhere else you didn't tell me about." I think I laughed as if again she was saying "you hid this from me...." I didn't but again I'm not going to explain it. I did warn her that whatever forms she gets from Princeton will say I didn't complete the program. Why? Because I didn't have insurance. That's the issue that's why I was shipped around discharged rejected and all that. Sadly I lost my job in 2004 so I lost what crappy insurance I had when that employer left it's payroll company and went with a different company. Wrote to numerous people who in the end said I wasn't covered by the new payroll company or the old payroll company. I really hope she doesn't call me when she gets the papers and says "you didn't complete the program..." I remind her nicely and patiently that because of insurance reasons they refused to help or treat me any further and I got a phone call on a random day saying "hi we are done buh bye" That may not have been the exact way they phrased it but that's what I heard. Please let this be my last hurdle please please!

April Fools Please?

You almost wish when you are having a day when nothing is going the way you want it to that someone will turn and say "April fools...." That didn't happen. The division is withdrawing our application so that they can get the forms they need and we can pick up where we left off. What's the issue? They said they were doing this 3 weeks or so ago. I don't know for sure, but I swear it was at least two weeks ago. Maybe they thought they would hold out in case they got everything they needed. I don't know I could spend all day figuring out what they are thinking. I can't do anything, but hope that this will all work out and that with some more faith and hope and a sprinkle of luck this will all work out. I feel like I'm being blind folded being told to find that light at the end of the tunnel just keep walking.

Stormy my special kitty is picking up something because she's been super snuggly tonight. She's a sweetie and I could use the extra snuggles.

Saving Jane - Better Day

Don't Worry Now (video)

In my notes I had a few songs with artists written down. So I had a moment to look and typed in this song. Interesting that today I would find this...

Britt Nicole Don't worry now.