"Not In My Family"

I've heard it mentioned on TV programs and real life conversations lately. Some are totally against adoption. "Not in my family...." I believe that I am fortunate that I don't have this issue. If someone is against it they aren't making it known. With all due respect if someone was against our decision for adoption and ever pulled the "not in my family" card that would be it for that relationship. It should always be the couples decision and no outside person should hold that power. I always have been someone who understands a lot, but I don't get this train of thought. Why would you deny someone the chance to be a parent? For a child to be blessed into a loving home. I don't understand.

Random thought on a Monday night when I should be in bed. So random!

I know sorry.

In off topic from this post I made a toy nook and switched a bunch of stuff around the house. My back hurts. My husband is amazed that I did that all on my own and was worried. I'm okay just hurts. I am going to put this out there but if an employee of the agency we are going through comes into the house and starts booing the toy nook I might have to challenge that closed mindedness. They may like it I don't know.
I can just see it.
Employee: how dare you set up a place where the child can read and/or play. What is wrong with you? I suppose the next thing you will do is put clothes in the dressers and closets. How dare you! 
Yes that makes no sense which means it might actually happen.
You would have to understand some issues at this point to understand the joke in that. Okay time for bed and time to get ready for a long day. 

Frustration

Frustration? Yeah we all suffer from some sort of it. I wish that at this point I had a little less of it but that isn't going to happen. As I try to twist and wobble my way through this process. Obtaining documents and staying on top of those I have to get the documents from. Yes we all have heard me mention this time and time again.

Frustration is watching others achieve something without even trying as you struggle. Frustration is not be able to understand somethings in life. Frustration is that part of life that we can't seem to get rid of. Breathe in breathe out. Hope that this shall pass until it does I suppose you fake it until you make it. It has many levels and comes at us sometimes when we least expect it.

For Once In My Life (Lyrics and Song)

For once in my life I have someone who needs me
Someone I've needed so long
For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me
And somehow I know I'll be strong

For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of
Long before I knew
Someone warm like you
Would make my dreams come true

For once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me
Not like it's hurt me before
For once, I have something I know won't desert me
I'm not alone anymore

For once, I can say, this is mine, you can't take it
As long as I know I have love, I can make it
For once in my life, I have someone who needs me

"You Are The Sunshine Of My Life" Lyrics and Song

"You Are The Sunshine Of My Life"

You are the sunshine of my life
That's why I'll always be around,
You are the apple of my eye,
Forever you'll stay in my heart

I feel like this is the beginning,
Though I've loved you for a million years,
And if I thought our love was ending,
I'd find myself drowning in my own tears

You are the sunshine of my life,
That's why I'll always stay around,
You are the apple of my eye,
Forever you'll stay in my heart

You must have known that I was lonely,
Because you came to my rescue,
And I know that this must be heaven,
How could so much love be inside of you?

You are the sunshine of my life, yeah,
That's why I'll always stay around,
You are the apple of my eye,
Forever you'll stay in my heart

[Background] Love has joined us,
Love has joined us,
Let's think sweet love

Dear Future Child Letter #1

This is jumbled and all over the place so please excuse.....

I sit typing a note to you because at the moment this is as close as I can be to you. I know that in the future you are going to have a lot of questions and doubts. I know I can't erase or answer all of them but believe I'm gonna try. Just know that if you ever have a moment where you ask yourself why did I end up with these people as my family just know that we were meant to be. The struggles and frustration I am enduring lead one day closer to finding you. Where ever you may be right now. Because I believe you are worth all of this I continue on. I have my grown up tantrum where I think I can't do this anymore and want to just quit and hide, but then I come back to reality and know that you are so worth it. I don't know your name, and I don't know if you are even here yet, but I know you are somewhere out there.  For some reason it's taking a little longer to get to you then we would like. This feels like this endless paperwork mountains or whatever road blocks we endure just won't stop. I hope that one day you truly understand just how much we went through to get you. So when you have those moments and wonder "why am I here. I wish I was never born." You look at this and realize I was meant to be with these crazy people who moved heaven and earth to get me. So on May 4, 2013 I sit and wonder what the future holds. We are stuck in the application process. This application process seems never ending. Obviously if you read this at some point it means we made it through. Forgive the jumbled all over the place thought. I'm tired and know what I want to say and can't seem to get all my thoughts out right.

Goodnight My Angel

It's Everywhere!

By it's I mean pregnancy and by everywhere I mean where everywhere I look. Since everything is at an absolute standstill with the agency I'm just I don't know if sensitive is the word or just like "when is it going to be my turn?" Yes I know my day will hopefully come, and I will be so over come with joy to see my child. It's just that for the time being I'm finding it hard to not say anything when someone sits down and complains that they are pregnant because it's the last thing they wanted and they weren't even trying. I'm like a www I can totally relate oh no that's right I can't. I almost feel like saying "well you weren't trying not to have a baby. Unless you don't understand how babies are made?" I let it go and don't say anything otherwise you are "labeled" the bitter infertile who know no one talks to because they are afraid of pissing you off.  I still say that a big mistake was getting certified to install car seats because sometimes the people you encounter can be frustrating. More "we weren't even trying and boom. you can relate right?" I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems but a baby in my uterus ain't one.

Please don't get me wrong I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself or hate pregnant women. I have been truly happy for everyone that I know that's having a baby. Lord these days I know a lot. I'm allowed to have days and moments where I'm frustrated with the world and how at the moment I feel trapped. If the second place could cooperate with giving me my medical records instead of skirting around the issue or making it difficult. How hard is it to scan a document to the off site location?

 

As the medical records scan ((the saga continues))

Offsite facility has the 2nd batch of records I am requesting. Email offsite twice get an email today that says that my emails failed to reach anyone in their company and I'm banned for two days from emailing their facility. I called them yesterday  they tell me no pending request for medical records from the other facility.

Today I hear back from the hospital medical records department and they tell me my request for those records were forwarded to the "clinic" section and provide me the number. I call that number and after spelling my name numerous times they tell me they don't have anything pending. When I explain it was behavioral health I'm told it would have never gone to the "clinic" and I have to go through that department. Are we keeping track? I call the behavioral health you play the game of what number do I press finally get someone ((who is just so happy let me tell you)) on the phone and they take my information down and put me on hold. The woman comes back and says  she doesn't know when they got my request but they have 30 days to process it. Seriously? So I ask a few more questions....
Do I come there to get the papers? "No" 
Then how am I notified? "You will be sent something from the facility.."
So I take that to mean it's the same facility  that's in Georgia that I was on the phone with yesterday. Ugggg! What a circle of blame and frustration here. Each question I answered she wanted to hang up but I needed questions answered. So frustrating.