Dear Future Child Letter #1

This is jumbled and all over the place so please excuse.....

I sit typing a note to you because at the moment this is as close as I can be to you. I know that in the future you are going to have a lot of questions and doubts. I know I can't erase or answer all of them but believe I'm gonna try. Just know that if you ever have a moment where you ask yourself why did I end up with these people as my family just know that we were meant to be. The struggles and frustration I am enduring lead one day closer to finding you. Where ever you may be right now. Because I believe you are worth all of this I continue on. I have my grown up tantrum where I think I can't do this anymore and want to just quit and hide, but then I come back to reality and know that you are so worth it. I don't know your name, and I don't know if you are even here yet, but I know you are somewhere out there.  For some reason it's taking a little longer to get to you then we would like. This feels like this endless paperwork mountains or whatever road blocks we endure just won't stop. I hope that one day you truly understand just how much we went through to get you. So when you have those moments and wonder "why am I here. I wish I was never born." You look at this and realize I was meant to be with these crazy people who moved heaven and earth to get me. So on May 4, 2013 I sit and wonder what the future holds. We are stuck in the application process. This application process seems never ending. Obviously if you read this at some point it means we made it through. Forgive the jumbled all over the place thought. I'm tired and know what I want to say and can't seem to get all my thoughts out right.

Goodnight My Angel