So Much For A Lazy Saturday

We had a quiet day until my husband decided to go out and mow the lawn. He came running in the house screaming. I jumped up i'm like "what's up."
"your windshield it's smashed"
Yes it was no sign of any type of branch stone or anything in the car. I will tell you the doors were open so who knows. I'm thinking it's more of a freak of nature just kinda happened. I'm thankful no one was in the car or injured in the midst of the pieces of the windshield. Lots of water in the car got the wet vac tried to clean stuff up. Sweaters have to be shaken out and washed. It's frustrating because it has to happen on a holiday weekend where no one is around. Immediately scheduled a company to come out. They will be here Thursday morning. Thank goodness it's a shortened week. Only 2 days of figuring how i'm going to get home. Of course I do live within a 20 to 25 minute walking distance. Thick type of blanket topped with plastic trash bags taped to the back windshield. A lot is damaged, and some will not be able to be saved. It's just how it works. Goodness. Yeah you could still drive the car but with no back windshield and pieces still sharp it's best with this rain and mess that it stays covered.

Thanks to hoarders I'm becoming less attached to items. So the three bears that were in the back of the car I said they are faded covered in glass just toss em. I will put new ones in the back of the car. If I had a small bissell thingy I could really give that car a cleaning.

Please be done with the bad luck. 

A Smile like yours lyrics and song

Beautiful song.

 

Hmm, thought I'd seen everything there was to see in this world
Now I'm not so sure I've really seen anything at all
I thought life could show me no surprises
And then you came and showed me I was wrong
I have seen the bluest skies, rainbows that would make you cry
I have seen miracles that moved my soul, days that changed my life
I have seen the brightest stars shine like diamonds in the dark
Seen all the wonders of the world, but I've never seen a smile
As beautiful as yours, ooh, ooh, ooh, oh, I thought I'd been everywhere
I've climbed a mountain so high, sailed the sea, crossed the sky
And still I was nowhere at all, until that day, oh, you came to my senses
And your smile, it made sense out of it all, (I have seen the bluest skies)
Rainbows that would make you cry, I have seen miracles

(miracles that moved me soul) that moved my soul, days that changed my life,

I have seen the brightest stars shine like diamonds in the dark
Seen all the wonders of the world, but I've never seen a smile as beautiful as yours
(smile so beautiful) so beautiful, comes one time in a lifetime
A smile this beautiful, (a smile this beautiful) I've never dreamed I'd ever see, oh
(I have seen the bluest skies) I have seen it, (rainbows that would make you cry)
That would make you cry, I've seen miracles (miracles) moved my soul,
(days that changed my life) and days that changed my life
I have seen the brightest stars shine like diamonds in the dark
Oh, I've seen the wonders of this world (wonders of the world)
But I've never seen a smile (never seen a smile before as beautiful as yours)
Oh, I've never seen a smile before, (never seen a smile before as beautiful)
As beautiful as yours.

Debbie Downer Has Entered the complex

Positive Patty (that's what I call myself when I'm in a good mood) has left the building and debbie downer ( that's what I call myself when I get sad) has entered the complex. It's official state agency has placed the blame back on me saying they did everything by the book. Quoted more legal terms. They wonder why their aren't enough foster/adoptive families out there. I'm ready to pull our file. So frustrated. Did I mention my birthday is tomorrow? This is crap o la timing. Anyone else frustrated today?

I Knew I Loved You Before I met you

I have always hated this song. Then I heard it attached to adoption and I was like EXACTLY! Close your eyes if you have to and imagine this song about my future child. 1st one is the actual music video second one is a lyric video.

Music of My Heart (lyric video and actual video)

Got the third batch of records.

They should have come from the records department which is in Neptune. From what the voicemail said. Interestingly enough it made a wrong turn to Georgia. I hate when you are going to Neptune and make a wrong turn and end up in Georgia! The end result is I have them. I was sad reading them. I don't think you are ever suppose to see those forms. It is who I was at the time not who I am. I've come a long way from where I was and I'm not going back there EVER!!!!!

I have been saddened and frustrated through this nightmare. Even though I was feeling this way I still went on to work and worked through the days and did what I would do at home and just continue on with life hoping this horrible madness would end. Chores were still done, dinner and meals were still cooked, I still attended work and so on.

the red room remains filled with stuff for the future. Never once did I think of changing it.

Please help us pretty pretty pretty please.....

Update on my adoption saga. Someone within the agency is looking into our file. Hopefully this person can help us. The psychologist doing my evaluation wrote a rebuttal letter to their letter. It's wonderfully written and puts the blame clearly back on the agency where it belongs.  It would be amazing if the person looking into our file saw that letter. Hoping this means good stuff for us. We shall see. Keeping fingers and toes crossed......

I Won't Give Up (Videos)

Exactly we aren't giving up...............

Not One More Form!

My id badge broke at work. You can't access any doors without it. So guess what? I had to get a new one. I call personnel to find out how. Guess what? I have to fill out a form, give it to a supervisor to sign off on, and wait for it to be made. A form? Seriously?

Got the new badge today and all is well and right with the world and I can access my building once again!

Update on Records

After a  spinning web of endless getting no where phone calls finally got a call today from Ms. Supervisor. Suddenly found my request and explained it was at an off sight facility and had to be copied or scanned or both into a system and was hand delivered today to the records section of the hospital. Depending upon who you speak with you will get different stories EVERYTIME!

Then mum mum and I conversate about how it "magically" appeared.
Me: Is it to late to give a disposable camera so they can take pictures with the medical records at every "stop" and with every person.
Me: Are they taking the 12:15 for the north pole express?
Mummum: Wonder if the traveling knome went to georgia & back?
Me: Yes on his unicorn hopped the rainbow express to the pot of gold and bared a right.
Mummum: Maybe same day carrier pigeon! but like the unicorn idea.

"Not In My Family"

I've heard it mentioned on TV programs and real life conversations lately. Some are totally against adoption. "Not in my family...." I believe that I am fortunate that I don't have this issue. If someone is against it they aren't making it known. With all due respect if someone was against our decision for adoption and ever pulled the "not in my family" card that would be it for that relationship. It should always be the couples decision and no outside person should hold that power. I always have been someone who understands a lot, but I don't get this train of thought. Why would you deny someone the chance to be a parent? For a child to be blessed into a loving home. I don't understand.

Random thought on a Monday night when I should be in bed. So random!

I know sorry.

In off topic from this post I made a toy nook and switched a bunch of stuff around the house. My back hurts. My husband is amazed that I did that all on my own and was worried. I'm okay just hurts. I am going to put this out there but if an employee of the agency we are going through comes into the house and starts booing the toy nook I might have to challenge that closed mindedness. They may like it I don't know.
I can just see it.
Employee: how dare you set up a place where the child can read and/or play. What is wrong with you? I suppose the next thing you will do is put clothes in the dressers and closets. How dare you! 
Yes that makes no sense which means it might actually happen.
You would have to understand some issues at this point to understand the joke in that. Okay time for bed and time to get ready for a long day. 

Frustration

Frustration? Yeah we all suffer from some sort of it. I wish that at this point I had a little less of it but that isn't going to happen. As I try to twist and wobble my way through this process. Obtaining documents and staying on top of those I have to get the documents from. Yes we all have heard me mention this time and time again.

Frustration is watching others achieve something without even trying as you struggle. Frustration is not be able to understand somethings in life. Frustration is that part of life that we can't seem to get rid of. Breathe in breathe out. Hope that this shall pass until it does I suppose you fake it until you make it. It has many levels and comes at us sometimes when we least expect it.

For Once In My Life (Lyrics and Song)

For once in my life I have someone who needs me
Someone I've needed so long
For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me
And somehow I know I'll be strong

For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of
Long before I knew
Someone warm like you
Would make my dreams come true

For once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me
Not like it's hurt me before
For once, I have something I know won't desert me
I'm not alone anymore

For once, I can say, this is mine, you can't take it
As long as I know I have love, I can make it
For once in my life, I have someone who needs me

"You Are The Sunshine Of My Life" Lyrics and Song

"You Are The Sunshine Of My Life"

You are the sunshine of my life
That's why I'll always be around,
You are the apple of my eye,
Forever you'll stay in my heart

I feel like this is the beginning,
Though I've loved you for a million years,
And if I thought our love was ending,
I'd find myself drowning in my own tears

You are the sunshine of my life,
That's why I'll always stay around,
You are the apple of my eye,
Forever you'll stay in my heart

You must have known that I was lonely,
Because you came to my rescue,
And I know that this must be heaven,
How could so much love be inside of you?

You are the sunshine of my life, yeah,
That's why I'll always stay around,
You are the apple of my eye,
Forever you'll stay in my heart

[Background] Love has joined us,
Love has joined us,
Let's think sweet love

Dear Future Child Letter #1

This is jumbled and all over the place so please excuse.....

I sit typing a note to you because at the moment this is as close as I can be to you. I know that in the future you are going to have a lot of questions and doubts. I know I can't erase or answer all of them but believe I'm gonna try. Just know that if you ever have a moment where you ask yourself why did I end up with these people as my family just know that we were meant to be. The struggles and frustration I am enduring lead one day closer to finding you. Where ever you may be right now. Because I believe you are worth all of this I continue on. I have my grown up tantrum where I think I can't do this anymore and want to just quit and hide, but then I come back to reality and know that you are so worth it. I don't know your name, and I don't know if you are even here yet, but I know you are somewhere out there.  For some reason it's taking a little longer to get to you then we would like. This feels like this endless paperwork mountains or whatever road blocks we endure just won't stop. I hope that one day you truly understand just how much we went through to get you. So when you have those moments and wonder "why am I here. I wish I was never born." You look at this and realize I was meant to be with these crazy people who moved heaven and earth to get me. So on May 4, 2013 I sit and wonder what the future holds. We are stuck in the application process. This application process seems never ending. Obviously if you read this at some point it means we made it through. Forgive the jumbled all over the place thought. I'm tired and know what I want to say and can't seem to get all my thoughts out right.

Goodnight My Angel

It's Everywhere!

By it's I mean pregnancy and by everywhere I mean where everywhere I look. Since everything is at an absolute standstill with the agency I'm just I don't know if sensitive is the word or just like "when is it going to be my turn?" Yes I know my day will hopefully come, and I will be so over come with joy to see my child. It's just that for the time being I'm finding it hard to not say anything when someone sits down and complains that they are pregnant because it's the last thing they wanted and they weren't even trying. I'm like a www I can totally relate oh no that's right I can't. I almost feel like saying "well you weren't trying not to have a baby. Unless you don't understand how babies are made?" I let it go and don't say anything otherwise you are "labeled" the bitter infertile who know no one talks to because they are afraid of pissing you off.  I still say that a big mistake was getting certified to install car seats because sometimes the people you encounter can be frustrating. More "we weren't even trying and boom. you can relate right?" I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems but a baby in my uterus ain't one.

Please don't get me wrong I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself or hate pregnant women. I have been truly happy for everyone that I know that's having a baby. Lord these days I know a lot. I'm allowed to have days and moments where I'm frustrated with the world and how at the moment I feel trapped. If the second place could cooperate with giving me my medical records instead of skirting around the issue or making it difficult. How hard is it to scan a document to the off site location?

 

As the medical records scan ((the saga continues))

Offsite facility has the 2nd batch of records I am requesting. Email offsite twice get an email today that says that my emails failed to reach anyone in their company and I'm banned for two days from emailing their facility. I called them yesterday  they tell me no pending request for medical records from the other facility.

Today I hear back from the hospital medical records department and they tell me my request for those records were forwarded to the "clinic" section and provide me the number. I call that number and after spelling my name numerous times they tell me they don't have anything pending. When I explain it was behavioral health I'm told it would have never gone to the "clinic" and I have to go through that department. Are we keeping track? I call the behavioral health you play the game of what number do I press finally get someone ((who is just so happy let me tell you)) on the phone and they take my information down and put me on hold. The woman comes back and says  she doesn't know when they got my request but they have 30 days to process it. Seriously? So I ask a few more questions....
Do I come there to get the papers? "No" 
Then how am I notified? "You will be sent something from the facility.."
So I take that to mean it's the same facility  that's in Georgia that I was on the phone with yesterday. Ugggg! What a circle of blame and frustration here. Each question I answered she wanted to hang up but I needed questions answered. So frustrating.