Open To Adoption

So this time last year I was thinking a little about maybe considering looking into the possibility of eventually someday adopting from the Foster care system.  What was stopping me? What was holding me back? Why was I so hesitant? I was afraid. I didn't know exactly how the process worked and have watched one to many lifetime movies where the birth parents come back into the child's life and take the children.

I had to take a step back and look  at what my possibilities or choices I had to become a mother. We were emotionally and financially spent from the fertility medications and treatments we both endured. Even though their is a  mandate for my state my employer is exempt so they don't have to approve or cover any fertility treatments or medications. Why you have mandates for places to be exempt I will never understand, but it is what it is. If we moved to IVF we would have to tap into or tap out financial resources that scared me. Getting pregnant was just one milestone. What if I miscarried? What if it didn't take? What we would do then? I had already been through a procedure where it didn't take. Infertility at any stage can take so much from you. (as I have often said many times)

Live child free was an option. I started to get that "I guess I'm not meant to be a parent." Then I decided I would stop thinking that way. This option would not work for me.

I watch A Home for the holidays which is on only once a year around Christmas. It's a beautiful hour (which I think is to short) of children and their families telling how they got to be a family. Something has always stuck with me one of the stories the boy asked his mother "did you carry me in your uterus?" To which she replied "no I carried you in my heart." I ordered some pamphlets and did some research. I couldn't find out exactly how you would go through the state to start the process. Luckily someone in my office had a name and a card so that was my starting point. I brought it up to my husband, and I can't remember if it was immediately or something we just talked about but we said "let's take this as far as we can go." If it doesn't work at least I know we will have tried. Adoption is not for everyone I'm not saying trying to talk anyone into it. We had to go to an orientation followed by lots forms and home visits. We did the classes, and they gave examples in class and the children she used as examples were not real, but the stories I'm sure have some ring of truth. Something began to click with every article I read every person I talked to every resource I looked into. Here were children who were here on this earth in need of a loving forever home, security, and a family. Here we are two people who want to be parents and can provide a loving safe home. I'm not saying this process of being approved has been easy but when we have been through so much from our journey why should this be any easier? At the end of the day we are going through this to have our forever family.

We aren't approved yet. We don't have a placement. I don't know how this journey will end. I just know this is something that we were meant to do. Every broken dream every failed procedure every heart break has lead to this road. I feel more now then ever that this was the path we were meant to take. I wish we had gone down this road earlier but then maybe we wouldn't have met this child that I know I feel in my heart we are meant to get. If I told you how hectic and crazy this adoption journey has been you would probably look at me and say "why didn't you just give up." I could have, but I'm stubborn, and this little bit of faith I still have keeps me going. Everytime I thought I can't do this I would hear a story about a child who was abused or neglected and I would think "these children deserve more" and I would realize I need to keep going. I can't save every child as much as I would like to. These children keep me going. I know I'm crazy all over the place. 

Once we have our forever family of 2, 3, or 4 kids I'm thinking..... I'm thinking if we have the space of fostering teens later down the line. Who knows maybe I'd keep the door open of adopting those teens.

If my journey ends with no placements and no kids then I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it and accept that.  Maybe I can be an advocate for the children or something. We shall see.

If you are reading this and debating or slightly open to the possibility of adoption and looking for someone to talk to. Please consider reaching out to me or someone or somewhere. Research, knowledge, resources, and talking to people become your greatest tool in factoring your decision.