More Songs about Adoption

All of me - Matt Hammitt

Your Song - Elton John 

Who Loves You - Four Seasons

When you come back to me again - Garth Brooks

Unless you go through the home study

Unless you have adopted and gone through the home study process you will not understand. You won't understand why it takes as long as it does. Why it isn't as simple as you thought it was. Why people repeatedly ask "do you know what you are getting or when you are getting it." You want to respond "a headache from this conversation. Why when you talk to me one minute I'm thrilled and happy and the next I'm racing around overwhelmed. The up and down and not knowing when we will get a child or how old. How much it sucks but at the same time it's exciting to wonder. It's a roller coaster of emotions.

I hear people say "gosh this is a lot harder then I thought it would be..." Imagine how we feel going through this. We are a year in and counting. We will get through this part.

I wish people thought before they spoke..... Like I constantly say I'm going to have to find a way to deal with this and "educate" people. Or as Kenny Rogers would say know when to walk away. Sometimes depending on who it is it's almost not worth explaining because they won't listen. 

I need people to say "hang in there" "stay positive" With cheering pom poms "you can do it.."

Yeah

So when I needed to have my cell phone on me it wasn't. I got home early to take care of an animal house issue I had encountered before I went to work. It seems no one had my house line number or my husbands cell phone number. Everything worked out but let's just say I learned what you shouldn't write to someone on facebook message. If you do you need to indicate that the person is at home resting / in the hospital / hey don't panic / everything is fine now are all things that should have been added to the message.

Reminded how in a moment everything can change.

Jury Duty Over and Out (Done)

Ok took a little time to find this blog thanks to a homepage being completely changed.

So today was my turn for Jury Duty. Well my number wasn't picked for either trial. No one is ever thrilled about having to serve at least no one in my group today. I luck out my employer pays me for my day so that means no financial hardship on my end. I don't have any children so child care isn't an issue. So if by me going it means someone who can't afford to or has childcare issues is excused that works. So I'm good for three years. Of course my work will be insane tomorrow, and I'm probably going to be out of my mind but that's how it works. Lots of deep breathes and well it's one day closer to Friday. :)

It is October, and this means that we should be having our last home visit and moving along. The day has exhausted me I'm ready for bed now. 

Less about the gifts more about the time together

That's my goal for the holiday season. To often people get wrapped up in expensive unrealistic on the brink of bankruptcy gifts for everyone. It's a great thought, but I think society focuses to much on the gifts. After all the stores are out for the mighty dollar and if you are shopping to them that's all that matters to them. I want to make sure that my children look back and don't recall items they got, but the laughs, the gatherings, the quality time, the baking, the crafting, and the just being us.

I've been noticing you can do crafting for every holiday with little to no cost. Supplies you may already have. Well isn't that great?

Baking! I love baking for the holidays. Thanksgiving has been a tricky holiday. I've had to replace things that happened in the past and make my own memories. Every year now I make a point of the night before Thanksgiving baking. 

It's been a while...

I haven't been feeling that great over the past few days. The last few weeks have been rough. I did finally get the good word that the social worker has all the paperwork in and closer to October we should be meeting for our final visit. This actually has to happen, and I will believe. It's not that I doubt her I am cautious. If you walked in our shoes for the years we have been going through this journey you would get it.

I still have hope and faith in this process / where this will take us is far out of my control / letting go of what I think will happen and just be in the moment (sometimes easier said than done)

I can't control what is going to happen with this adoption. So I turn to things I can control and let them take my mind off all of this. Thank goodness for certain websites because they allow me to escape all this anxiety about all of this. Someone actually seemed annoyed that I was looking into what kind of cookies to make. I didn't go into details of why I'm so into the holidays. I'm not exactly into the holidays they are just the things I can count on. Well you get it.

9/09/2013

A woman who is normally at work so early never showed, she didn't call on the sick list, she wasn't listed in our system as being off, and no one had spoken to her in over a week. Two officers went to check on her, and we were told we would be updated. Everyone moved along with the morning. Surely their was some reason and maybe any second she would walk through the door. Then a few minutes later we were called into the conference room and told to grab some tissues. A woman screamed "No!" Tears falling from her face. I knew before we were told she had passed away. I am at a loss for words. This cannot be real. I heard the words I heard them talking but they have to be wrong. I stared at the table and caught the shimmer of the ceiling light as it reflected off the shine of the table. I'm sick to my stomach and am on a rollercoaster of emotions. We all are. Her second daughter is set to marry in a month. She was so excited and so happy. Death is a part of life that I don't think I can ever fully accept. Grief comes at us in different stages and different ways. By processing this and going through the waves hopefully this will help. She wouldn't want us to dwell she wouldn't want it effecting our work she would be so mad if she knew that we were called into the conference room.

You don't know when you are going to go. So it shows me that not to sweat the small stuff and enjoy the little things. We say that but I am reminded you just never know.

Okay time to get ready for bed.