Ok so i'm posting a lot i'm sorry......
I get from time to time people who say "don't you want your own kids..." when I say i'm adopting. I channel the person who gave me a key piece of advice. That people will say things and rather then get mad at them it's a time to "educate" them. If I adopt a child then it will be my child. It is my own child whether you see it or not. I heard stories recently of people who were pregnant but miscarried the child. The devastation and heartbreak tore me apart. Unfortunately i've never been pregnant and never suffered a miscarriage but the devastation of not being able to get pregnant has haunted me enough that I'm afraid terrified of a miscarriage. A reproductive endocrinologist explained to me that it's natures way of ending a pregnancy that isn't right. Of course he's a male has no uterus and read that explanation out of a text book and while I get that it doesn't make it any less painful. Adoption is a bright light to a tunnel that has been filled with such darkness. I do not have to dope myself up on hormones that in the long run may cause me to battle a disease. It's a small world when you come across someone who had the same doctor as you and now she's having a double mastectomy and fighting for her life because of the hormones she was on to have her daughter. I want to be there for my child. I saw a celebrity recently who discovered she had breast cancer. She didn't go to much into it but she had been on so many hormones. So on the side of being afraid of cancer and miscarriages.
I would love to have experienced pregnancy once in my life. If that isn't the way it works then I have to believe that it wasn't meant to be that way. Adoption means that a child who is already born doesn't have a forever family and we want a forever family hello.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
To get me to you.... (music video)
P.S. this song makes me cry......
I just haven't met you yet (music video)
What is this free time you speak of?
I wish I had some free time. To sew to do just well anything you can do with free time. We have so much to do that even writing this blog is time taken away from it. I need some downtime otherwise I will go insane. I know tonight I was thinking about everything I needed to do at home. I wasn't going to do the inspection because we just have so much and well I ended up feeling like I had to switch things around and let the other things wait.
I have the room which was suppose to be the childs room and it's now the office a/k/a the green room. I have to switch things around and make sure that's ok for the verizon guy. Because my husband pointed out you wouldn't want the verizon guy thinking we are slobs. I'm sorry I don't care what the verizon thinks of me. Suck it up seriously. The red room aka the childs room has to be completely cleared out of personal belongings. In other words it's mass panic to find new homes for everything or toss it away. I have to be careful otherwise i'm destined to be on an episode of hoarders. I didn't realize one could be so attached to items i forgot existed.
In all that we have to do tomorrow we have to get additional baby proofing items. It doesn't feel real. I know it's a defense and i'm trying to save myself any heartache but stuff is getting real and it so doesn't feel real. Does that make sense cause it does to me........
I know people think that because i'm off from work tomorrow i'm just eating bonbons on the couch. We have so much to do that i'd be less busy at work. It's exhausting to think of. Deep breathing...Mellow Yellow......
I have the room which was suppose to be the childs room and it's now the office a/k/a the green room. I have to switch things around and make sure that's ok for the verizon guy. Because my husband pointed out you wouldn't want the verizon guy thinking we are slobs. I'm sorry I don't care what the verizon thinks of me. Suck it up seriously. The red room aka the childs room has to be completely cleared out of personal belongings. In other words it's mass panic to find new homes for everything or toss it away. I have to be careful otherwise i'm destined to be on an episode of hoarders. I didn't realize one could be so attached to items i forgot existed.
In all that we have to do tomorrow we have to get additional baby proofing items. It doesn't feel real. I know it's a defense and i'm trying to save myself any heartache but stuff is getting real and it so doesn't feel real. Does that make sense cause it does to me........
I know people think that because i'm off from work tomorrow i'm just eating bonbons on the couch. We have so much to do that i'd be less busy at work. It's exhausting to think of. Deep breathing...Mellow Yellow......
Different Places (thought this post deleted on me)
Sorry I thought this deleted
It's kinda sad to see people in your life that at one point you were pretty close to and suddenly you feel like it's a stranger sittting next to you or someone you use to know on the phone. It's hard to explain but at the same time it's a part of life. Maybe you are at different places, maybe you both lead very busy lives and mean to pick up the phone but there aren't enough hours in the day, maybe you don't want to annoy the person but at the same time they don't want to annoy you so words and so many things go unspoken, maybe you think they are mad at you, maybe you don't want to be a bother and maybe they think they are bothering you, etc..... I could go on for hours and days. I'm sad that some people I am not that close with but I don't know how to fix it. A
It's kinda sad to see people in your life that at one point you were pretty close to and suddenly you feel like it's a stranger sittting next to you or someone you use to know on the phone. It's hard to explain but at the same time it's a part of life. Maybe you are at different places, maybe you both lead very busy lives and mean to pick up the phone but there aren't enough hours in the day, maybe you don't want to annoy the person but at the same time they don't want to annoy you so words and so many things go unspoken, maybe you think they are mad at you, maybe you don't want to be a bother and maybe they think they are bothering you, etc..... I could go on for hours and days. I'm sad that some people I am not that close with but I don't know how to fix it. A
I secured a car seat with a seat belt without a clip
No One understands that accomplishment unless you are a safe cargo tech who doubts yourself. It's a step in an awesome direction.
In other news I get to sample car seats that I both like and really dis like. So it's helpful. Just cause that car seat is expensive doesn't mean it's all that and a bag of chips.
In other news I get to sample car seats that I both like and really dis like. So it's helpful. Just cause that car seat is expensive doesn't mean it's all that and a bag of chips.
Different Places
Different places.....
Ever have that person or relationship in your life and realize that those people you aren't so close with anymore? It's a fact of life. It doesn't 'mean you don't care about them and it doesn't mean they don't care about you. You just no longer have them as available to you as you once did. Maybe you went to the same school, lived in the same town, and so on...... I wish that some people in my life I was still as close with. But at the same time we can pick up right where we left off. I've gone through so much in my life already that I'd hate to lose anyone else in my life. I wish nothing but the best for them and know that i'm sure they wish the same for me. It sometimes brings me to tears because I wish things were different but I know that it's not that we don't like/love each other. It's just life is crazy and things are just insane these days schedules clash and we can't make time for one another that we wish we could. Those people that I may not be close with you can bet my child will know who they are cause they helped shape me to who I am today. I know that I may not see all of them as much as I wish we could but if I truly needed them I could count on them to have my back. I really hope that in the future we are able to be as close as we were and able to pick up where we left off and not drift again. If that doesn't happen that is okay. It has to be because I have to accept people and situations for what they are and not what I want them to be. A lesson I still can't grasp even now.
Like Adele says "I wish nothing but the best for you....don't forget me...."
Ever have that person or relationship in your life and realize that those people you aren't so close with anymore? It's a fact of life. It doesn't 'mean you don't care about them and it doesn't mean they don't care about you. You just no longer have them as available to you as you once did. Maybe you went to the same school, lived in the same town, and so on...... I wish that some people in my life I was still as close with. But at the same time we can pick up right where we left off. I've gone through so much in my life already that I'd hate to lose anyone else in my life. I wish nothing but the best for them and know that i'm sure they wish the same for me. It sometimes brings me to tears because I wish things were different but I know that it's not that we don't like/love each other. It's just life is crazy and things are just insane these days schedules clash and we can't make time for one another that we wish we could. Those people that I may not be close with you can bet my child will know who they are cause they helped shape me to who I am today. I know that I may not see all of them as much as I wish we could but if I truly needed them I could count on them to have my back. I really hope that in the future we are able to be as close as we were and able to pick up where we left off and not drift again. If that doesn't happen that is okay. It has to be because I have to accept people and situations for what they are and not what I want them to be. A lesson I still can't grasp even now.
Like Adele says "I wish nothing but the best for you....don't forget me...."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)