Different Places

Different places.....

Ever have that person or relationship in your life and realize that those people you aren't so close with anymore? It's a fact of life. It doesn't 'mean you don't care about them and it doesn't mean they don't care about you. You just no longer have them as available to you as you once did. Maybe you went to the same school, lived in the same town, and so on...... I wish that some people in my life I was still as close with. But at the same time we can pick up right where we left off. I've gone through so much in my life already that I'd hate to lose anyone else in my life. I wish nothing but the best for them and know that i'm sure they wish the same for me. It sometimes brings me to tears because I wish things were different but I know that it's not that we don't like/love each other. It's just life is crazy and things are just insane these days schedules clash and we can't make time for one another that we wish we could. Those people that I may not be close with you can bet my child will know who they are cause they helped shape me to who I am today. I know that I may not see all of them as much as I wish we could but if I truly needed them I could count on them to have my back. I really hope that in the future we are able to be as close as we were and able to pick up where we left off and not drift again. If that doesn't happen that is okay. It has to be because I have to accept people and situations for what they are and not what I want them to be. A lesson I still can't grasp even now.

Like Adele says "I wish nothing but the best for you....don't forget me...."

Somewhere out there (video)

Doesn't this kinda say it all sometimes?

It's a typical Tuesday night here....

Exhausted but the mind is racing with so many thoughts. I need more hours in a day to get more done. I need more sleep. I need a magic wand.

I saw a few posts about adoption from the different websites adoptuskids.org and another website who both were saying certain myths another asked for people to come forward who have been through the process.

I know we have been told that chances are we won't get a baby but so many people don't get that. If we do then wonderful if we don't that's okay too. I don't have expectations, an age in mind, or anything. I'm letting it go and let it be whatever it is. Sometimes I wish others would understand that. Maybe i'll have my caseworker or any other social worker tell them what they have told us. Because children who are placed in foster care have 16 months to be reunited with birth parents. If that doesn't happen their case is turned from reunification to adoption. I say this over and over again but I feel like I would just love to know how this plays out. That can't exactly happen.

I would like to blog more but I'm so emotional drained and everything is so tiring these days.

Good day to all.

Home (music video)

http://youtu.be/HoRkntoHkIE
The lyrics are cute.....

I'm going to make this house your home.

Home by Phil is an awesome song. Ironically I first heard it during the week of Hurricane Sandy with no power and a radio. I thought this is exactly what my husband and I are doing. We are preparing to make this house your home little one. So everytime I get frustrated or overwhelmed I just remember that song and all those lyrics. "Know your not alone cause i'm going to make this place your home....."

I will post the video next post now time to get back to work.

Q and A that i've been asked Part 1

These have been some questions I've been asked and some that I have been thinking about.

1) Have you thought about having your own kids?

Seriously? Is what comes to mind when I hear that. Hubby and I haven't been to open with others about our journey and the total of what we've been through. The medications and doctors is enough to drive anyone crazy. I want to be a mother and whether that child comes from my uterus or my heart it will be my child or (children).

2) How long will it take for you to get a child?

I don't know the answer to that because not even the state knows the answer. We at one time were told 4 years. Yes 4 years. The usual "good news is you are both young." Unless of course you go to a fertility doctor and it's omg we have to hurry your eggs may expire. I truly hope it doesn't take 4 years and though the waiting scares me because I don't know and I don't know how to prep for the child. I want to be prepared but this with the age gap and time makes it hard.

3) What if a family member or friend isn't accepting of the child? What will you do?

I really hope that doesn't happen and have such faith that all family and friends will be on board especially when they meet the child.  If  we reach a point where we have an issue with someone we will make sure to go over the situation together away from the child. Decide who is better to approach the family member or friend. If after that the situation still doesn't change then again together will go over things and express to this person that if it continues we may have to distances ourselves from them until they are willing to accept the child. My child will be my priority and if someone in my family or circle of friends isn't accepting to them then I really have to evaluate our relationship. I really hope that doesn't happen. 

4) Will you continue to work after you have a child?

I have been asked this so much. Yes I plan on continuing to work even after we have a child. It would be nice to have the ability to be a stay at home but my job has the benefits and even though I don't make that much I still couldn't afford to not have it. I am unsure how much time I can take off. I don't have maternity leave but am hoping for whatever time I can get off.

5) Are you excited?

Yes. Thrilled beyond belief but I'm terrified that something won't go our way and we won't be able to adopt. I know i'm such a downer.

6) Are you scared?

Oh my yes! I'm afraid i'm going to fail at this, i'm afraid the child is going to hate me, i'm afraid things won't work out, and I have so many fears that it would take me so long to post.


Time out to get a shower and maybe do some more housework before eventually getting to bed.

My new "therapy" talking with others who have been here

I found blogs as I mentioned in an earlier post about couples who have gone through the adoption process. I found even more and have just been curious how they came to their decision and reading about their journey. I know that we are still in the early early stages of this but everyday we do a little more and every day we take one step closer. The end of the month we begin 27 hours mandatory pride training. My husband has had to change his schedule completely. It isn't exactly easy for him and he was so worried he would lose hours. This is all for the good. It's 9 days and we can do this!

Now I know there is so much to say but I just can't think since it is Sunday night and tomorrow means a brand new week of work and all that jazz.......


January use to be the month that everything dragged and marked the end of the holiday season which was sad. This January has been so super busy.