Less about the gifts more about the time together

That's my goal for the holiday season. To often people get wrapped up in expensive unrealistic on the brink of bankruptcy gifts for everyone. It's a great thought, but I think society focuses to much on the gifts. After all the stores are out for the mighty dollar and if you are shopping to them that's all that matters to them. I want to make sure that my children look back and don't recall items they got, but the laughs, the gatherings, the quality time, the baking, the crafting, and the just being us.

I've been noticing you can do crafting for every holiday with little to no cost. Supplies you may already have. Well isn't that great?

Baking! I love baking for the holidays. Thanksgiving has been a tricky holiday. I've had to replace things that happened in the past and make my own memories. Every year now I make a point of the night before Thanksgiving baking. 

It's been a while...

I haven't been feeling that great over the past few days. The last few weeks have been rough. I did finally get the good word that the social worker has all the paperwork in and closer to October we should be meeting for our final visit. This actually has to happen, and I will believe. It's not that I doubt her I am cautious. If you walked in our shoes for the years we have been going through this journey you would get it.

I still have hope and faith in this process / where this will take us is far out of my control / letting go of what I think will happen and just be in the moment (sometimes easier said than done)

I can't control what is going to happen with this adoption. So I turn to things I can control and let them take my mind off all of this. Thank goodness for certain websites because they allow me to escape all this anxiety about all of this. Someone actually seemed annoyed that I was looking into what kind of cookies to make. I didn't go into details of why I'm so into the holidays. I'm not exactly into the holidays they are just the things I can count on. Well you get it.

9/09/2013

A woman who is normally at work so early never showed, she didn't call on the sick list, she wasn't listed in our system as being off, and no one had spoken to her in over a week. Two officers went to check on her, and we were told we would be updated. Everyone moved along with the morning. Surely their was some reason and maybe any second she would walk through the door. Then a few minutes later we were called into the conference room and told to grab some tissues. A woman screamed "No!" Tears falling from her face. I knew before we were told she had passed away. I am at a loss for words. This cannot be real. I heard the words I heard them talking but they have to be wrong. I stared at the table and caught the shimmer of the ceiling light as it reflected off the shine of the table. I'm sick to my stomach and am on a rollercoaster of emotions. We all are. Her second daughter is set to marry in a month. She was so excited and so happy. Death is a part of life that I don't think I can ever fully accept. Grief comes at us in different stages and different ways. By processing this and going through the waves hopefully this will help. She wouldn't want us to dwell she wouldn't want it effecting our work she would be so mad if she knew that we were called into the conference room.

You don't know when you are going to go. So it shows me that not to sweat the small stuff and enjoy the little things. We say that but I am reminded you just never know.

Okay time to get ready for bed.

Last Puzzle Piece To The Homestudy

As good news rolls in bad news creeps in behind it. Our Homestudy should have been completed by now, but dyfs is missing on last puzzle piece. The doctor who did my evaluation and started us up in the process again isn't returning calls from me or my caseworker. He isn't providing the evaluation, and if dyfs doesn't get it in the next few weeks we will be disqualified or our application withdrawn again. I am hoping this gets straightened out. I haven't had a breakdown freak out yet because I'm attempting to be optimistic. Applying twice in one year is already stressful without the added ugg grr hiss moments. Positive vibes and thoughts!

It took about a dozen or so calls to find someone willing to do the evaluation. I got a least a dozen no's before I found him. I really hope he is putting finishing touches on it or maybe he will return from vacation Monday and pass it to me. I'm hoping for the best.

Songs for this week (off of my Journey Playlist)

 

Feels Like Home - with lyrics 

 

 Second video of the song "Feels Like Home" set to the notebook.
I have a playlist called Journey which has a bunch of songs that I have listened to depending upon my part of the Journey to parenthood I have been on. These are a few of them. Actually just about all of the songs I posted are on my playlist.

Home (Yeah I have posted this song before) "Pay no mind to the demons they fill you with fear. Know you're not alone I'm gonna make this house your home..."
Taking you Home - Don Henley  Taking You Home Video
I have listened to this song so many times. Today I found these lyrics like it was the first time I ever heard them.
"Maybe you reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time you'll know"
Firework - Katy Perry Firework Lyrics Link