Hope Faith Blau

A new screen name I have on an adoption site. Since that's what i'm running on faith and hope. :)

Savannah?

A few days ago the name Savannah popped into my head and I don't know why. I'm not sure it has any meaning at all. I just keep thinking that is what my future daughters name is. For all I know I am probably completely off course. That's ok. as 2012 closes and 2013 enters i'm thinking this may actually be our year. It would be nice and always great to be hopeful but it may not and I get that. The last 4 and half years have taught me anything it's to never assume something will happen but be realistic but not to much where it cuts you off from reality. Well it would be nice but I don't need to say that anymore in this process.

The linen closet is done for the time being. Maybe the red room will be transformed tomorrow. Wouldn't it be nice? 

I found some adoption blogs

Darn @@@@@@@@ I had a whole post written and it deleted. Darn you laptop!

I found some adoption blogs and reading them has been helpful. To see people where I am now and where I will hopefully end up. With a forever child to add to our household.

So much to do and so little time. I have a 54 page thingy to fill out. Have to go to bed soon before I delete this one too.

I guess I expected more interest

I don't know if i'm reading to much into this or maybe it's just all around me. I guess I expected family to be more "interested" or "involved" in the process of adoption. I don't know that some really get it or why we have to the conclusion that we have. Maybe they are scared to ask maybe we haven't been to forward maybe something else is causing them not to ask about anything. 

I can tell you one family member who anytime I try to say something this person takes everything and makes it about them and then goes on this rant about something they are going through. Hi I'm adopting through the state and doing something that is so far out of my comfort zone jumping through hoops that may or may not result in a child but please lets talk about you and what is happening in your life.

Also I find they assumption that we are going to get a new born. Yeah that's not likely and something that doesn't even seem to be an option. So when people want to give us things meant for an itty bitty baby i'm like no we are most likely not going to get an infant. It's hard to say how old that child will be but it's most likely not going to require to much of  baby stuff. Then again you just never know.

I am not going to say anything to family because I get that everyone has things going on in there life but when I hear some comments I immediately tense up because I just wonder. Do you get it?

Chances are they aren't saying things to hurt me but sometimes it feels that way.

The journey to anything in my life has not been without issues and a very tough rough road. I can't wait till this is just a memory of saying "remember when we thought we would never see this day..." I feel in some ways I have to stay guarded. I'm spinning in circles.

Thunder and sirens oh my.....

It seems in the matter of a few minutes things went kinda crazy. Our thermostat seems to be working with heating system. I thought my husband was intercoming me. I was actually but intercoming myself as I had both phones with me lol. Outside suddenly a flash of light followed by big booms and animals going crazy. Now sirens and heavy rain mixed with wind... It's december people. What the fudge? Not a fan of this weather. I hate wind with the trees outside because I fear it falling somewhere bad and hurting something someone. Making it nearly impossible to move forward with adoption. Please oh please lets get through this. Haven't we had enough of this already? I found myself gathering up the matches, candles, and lighters. Hey when you have your power disappear for as long as sandy life is never the same when any storm hits. Prayers this ends peacefully. May the force be with us all......

The heat is out in the house

So I wake up to find the house is freezing which tells me that the heat is once again playing games. The hubby must have not noticed it or thought hey it's fixed itself before it will do that. So no it just got worse I went downstairs where the furnace is and couldn't see the red light that sometimes goes off to indicate it needs to be restarted. It's now 55 degrees and declining with a nor easter the day after christmas and no one is answering their phone. Finally after exhausting all measures I got the referral for a guy from my  mother he's coming to look at it and hopefully fix it. He actually answered the phone. I'm numb to it because if it's not this it would be something else. I have to get my fractured tooth pulled tomorrow and a dental implant started and you know what that means? cha ching. I asked my husband if maybe this is a sign that we shouldn't adopt right now because everything seems to be falling apart little by little. He said that was crazy. It's always always going to be something. I just wish we could escape the constant rush of money that is required for everything. Trying to think happy thoughts and froth up some hot chocolate on my new machine.

The heat is working in the basement and is now 10 degrees warmer there. Upstairs is still not out of the 50's. It's slowly seems to be increasing. The gurgling has started but it's just not warm yet. I don't get it. I wish I could just shut off. If only. This vacation is beginning to suck with every passing day something else happens. Maybe for 2013 I should invest in a bubble to protect myself.

The bad news is I got a laptop which means these posts are going to increase because it's portable. Hello. Mama likes!

So last week my dog tore is acl.
I fractured a tooth which had a post and crown already on it. Half of the post is lodged in my tooth creating an infection.
The heat is broken.
Our dryer died.
So much more that I can't recall.
2012 I had so much hope for you!
The good news is a new year with new possibilities and new hope are around the corner. 

When your Case worker says....

She was considering private adoption thru an agency. I was thinking. "why not through the state foster care?" 

Am I wrong to wonder why a social worker for the state for adoption. Isn't going through the state. 

Our path isn't for everyone I get that but still.......