I am still a little upset about the events over the past few days. I do not have an issue getting a psychological exam. I feel judged, but I have to remember that through all this it's not about me. Well it is and it isn't. They need to make sure that we are okay to care for a child. I can't let someone who sees my name on a piece of paper who has never met me who is taking information second or third hand who has decided that I'm not taking something seriously and so on.
I'm upset about how much money this will run. Let's exam this shall we? I get to pick someone who doesn't work for the place i'm adopting from who doesn't have a stake in this and is a third party who I will answer any and all questions to. It's a circle and a lot of what if's until I get this done. I just hope this is the last hoop.
I really understand why some don't pursue this option and why some are upset with the "system." I feel like I'm being judged hardcore and I want to explain myself and go on the defensive. I don't like that.
Here's a great quote "Please do not judge me by my past I don't live there anymore...."
If you hear someone tell you of their experience and they seem numb or not to show enough emotion or feel like maybe they are sweeping it under the rug. Maybe it's because they worked through the issues and did very intensive therapy and worked every detail out. Maybe their care worker told them to never feel as if you have to explain every detail to every tom dick and harry.
I don't know if I could go through this process again. If everything works and we get the privilege of having a child I might feel differently.
"the adoption was hard. the love is easy"
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