Everyone Else's Eyes

I am still a little upset about the events over the past few days. I do not have an issue getting a psychological exam. I feel judged, but I have to remember that through all this it's not about me. Well it is and it isn't. They need to make sure that we are okay to care for a child. I can't let someone who sees my name on a piece of paper who has never met me who is taking information second or third hand who has decided that I'm not taking something seriously and so on.

I'm upset about how much money this will run. Let's exam this shall we? I get to pick someone who doesn't work for the place i'm adopting from who doesn't have a stake in this and is a third party who I will answer any and all questions to.  It's a circle and a lot of what if's until I get this done. I just hope this is the last hoop.

I really understand why some don't pursue this option and why some are upset with the "system." I feel like I'm being judged hardcore and I want to explain myself and go on the defensive. I don't like that.

Here's a great quote "Please do not judge me by my past I don't live there anymore...."

If you hear someone tell you of their experience and they seem numb or not to show enough emotion or feel like maybe they are sweeping it under the rug. Maybe it's because they worked through the issues and did very intensive therapy and worked every detail out. Maybe their care worker told them to never feel as if you have to explain every detail to every tom dick and harry.

I don't know if I could go through this process again. If everything works and we get the privilege of having a child I might feel differently.

"the adoption was hard. the love is easy"

Odd Life of Timothy Green

 

 you were ready you were always ready never give up

 

If you came to me and said," there are two people in the world who wants you more than anything, they would do their best to make some mistakes and you will only get them, for a short time. They will love you more than you could ever imagine when that's true, I say, so much is possible."

The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

Annie?

I just saw an advertisement for Annie the musical. I worry that with the sudden interest back into this movie that people will think that's what our experience will be like. I have a hard enough time trying to explain to people how the process works. No it's not like a drive thru where you place your order and pull around to get your "order." I can see a nephew singing the sun will come out tomorrow....... If memory serves me correct Matilda is kinda like that. Oh goodness.....

Small Update

Training is done, and it's a great accomplishment. In a weird twist we went from getting in the mind set of working a crazy schedule and going to class traveling to and from to wow we are finished. A lot of stuff is covered in such a short span and left me not wanting to really blog here. Emotions twisted upside down, and you are left with this reality of what these childrens may have had to go through. A lot is worse case scenario and won't see, but it stays with you.

People continue to ask daily if I have a baby yet? No otherwise I wouldn't be at work and number 2 what if my first child isn't a baby.

My animals have been extra cuddly today and wanted extra mommy snuggle time. I had a very busy weekend. It's funny how something like this class and this past crazy weekend can mess with the animals.

Time for bed and maybe some more blogging with a better post.